Chapter 6

INTO ACTION

H AVING MADE our personal inventory, what shall

we do about it? We have been trying to get a

new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and

to discover the obstacles in our path. We have ad-

mitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough

way what the trouble is;

(See BB 71)

we have put our finger on the

weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are

about to be cast out. This requires action on our part,

which, when completed, will mean that we have ad-

mitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human

being, the exact nature of our defects.

(See BB 13:3)

This brings us

to the Fifth Step in the program of recovery mentioned

in the preceding chapter.

This is perhaps difficult-especially discussing our

defects with another person. We think we have done

well enough in admitting these things to ourselves.

There is doubt about that. In actual practice, we usu-

ally find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Many of

us thought it necessary to go much further.

Because we were still

bothered by fear, self-pity, and hurt feelings, it was probable

we couldn't appraise ourselves fairly at all. Too much guilt

and remorse might cause us to dramatize and exaggerate

our shortcomings. Or anger and hurt pride might be the

smoke screen under which we were hiding some of our de-

fects while we blamed others for them. Possibly, too, we

were still handicapped by many liabilities, great and small,

we never knew we had.

Hence it was most evident that a solitary self-appraisal,

and the admission of our defects based upon that alone,

wouldn't be nearly enough. We'd have to have outside help

if we were surely to know and admit the truth about our-

selves- the help of God and another human being. Only by

discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being

willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot

on the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuine

humility.

T&T 59 Step Five

We will

be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with an-

other person when we see good reasons why we should

do so. The best reason first: If we skip this vital step,

we may not overcome drinking. Time after time new-

comers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts

about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling ex-

perience, they have turned to easier methods.

(See BB 58:3)

So intense, though, is our fear and reluctance to do this,

that many A.A.'s at first try to bypass Step Five. We search

for an easier way- which usually consists of the general

and fairly painless admission that when drinking we were

sometimes bad actors. Then, for good measure, we add dra-

matic descriptions of that part of our drinking behavior

which our friends probably know about anyhow.

T&T 59 Step Five

Almost

INTO ACTION 73

invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with

the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell.

We think the reason is that they never completed their

housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but

hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They

only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they

only thought they had humbled themselves. But they

had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and

honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they

told someone else all their life story.

But of the things which really bother and burn us, we

say nothing. Certain distressing or humiliating memories,

we tell ourselves, ought not be shared with anyone. These

will remain our secret. Not a soul must ever know. We hope

they'll go to the grave with us.

Yet if A.A.'s experience means anything at all, this is

not only unwise, but is actually a perilous resolve. Few

muddled attitudes have caused us more trouble than hold-

ing back on Step Five. Some people are unable to stay

sober at all; others will relapse periodically until they really

clean house.

T&T 59 Step Five

More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double

life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he

presents his stage character. This is the one he likes

his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputa-

tion, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.

What are we likely to receive from Step Five? For one

thing, we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolation

we've always had. Almost without exception, alcoholics are

tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad

and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the

feeling that we didn't quite belong. Either we were shy, and

dared not draw near others, or we were apt to be noisy good

fellows craving attention and companionship, but never

getting it- at least to our way of thinking. There was al-

ways that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount nor

understand. It was as if we were actors on a stage, suddenly

realizing that we did not know a single line of our parts.

That's one reason we loved alcohol too well. It did let us act

extemporaneously. But even Bacchus boomeranged on us;

we were finally struck down and left in terrified loneliness.

T&T 57 Step Five

The inconsistency is made worse by the things he

does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted

at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These

memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think some-

one might have observed him. As fast as he can, he

pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes

they will never see the light of day. He is under con-

stant fear and tension-that makes for more drinking.

(See BB xxviii Bottom - xix)

Psychologists are inclined to agree with us. We

have spent thousands of dollars for examinations. We

know but few instances where we have given these

doctors a fair break. We have seldom told them the

whole truth nor have we followed their advice. Un-

willing to be honest with these sympathetic men, we

were honest with no one else. Small wonder many in

the medical profession have a low opinion of alcoholics

and their chance for recovery!

Psychiatrists and psychologists point out the deep need every

human being has for practical insight and knowledge of his

own personality flaws and for a discussion of them with an

understanding and trustworthy person. So far as alcoholics

are concerned, A.A. would go even further. Most of us

would declare that without a fearless admission of our defects

to another human being we could not stay sober. It seems plain

that the grace of God will not enter to expel our destructive

obsessions until we are willing to try this.

T&T 56-57 Step Five

We must be entirely honest with somebody if we

74 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

expect to live long or happily in this world.

Until we actually sit down and talk aloud

about what we have so long hidden, our willingness to

clean house is still largely theoretical. When we are honest

with another person, it confirms that we have been honest

with ourselves and with God.

T&T 60 Step Five

Rightly

and naturally, we think well before we choose the per-

son or persons with whom to take this intimate and

confidential step. Those of us belonging to a religious

denomination which requires confession must, and of

course, will want to go to the properly appointed au-

thority whose duty it is to receive it. Though we have

no religious connection, we may still do well to talk

with someone ordained by an established religion.

(See BB 131:2)

often find such a person quick to see and understand

our problem. Of course, we sometimes encounter peo-

ple who do not understand alcoholics. (See BB 63:3)

If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search

our acquaintance for a close-mouthed, understanding

friend. Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be the

person. It may be one of our own family, but we can-

not disclose anything to our wives or our parents which

will hurt them and make them unhappy. We have

no right to save our own skin at another person’s ex-

pense. Such parts of our story we tell to someone who

will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we

must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of

others.

Our next problem will be to discover the person in

whom we are to confide. Here we ought to take much care,

remembering that prudence is a virtue which carries a high

rating. Perhaps we shall need to share with this person facts

about ourselves which no others ought to know. We shall

want to speak with someone who is experienced, who not

only has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other se-

rious difficulties. Difficulties, perhaps, like our own. This

person may turn out to be one's sponsor, but not necessarily

so. If you have developed a high confidence in him, and his

temperament and problems are close to your own, then

such a choice will be good. Besides, your sponsor already

has the advantage of knowing something about your case.

Perhaps, though, your relation to him is such that you

would care to reveal only a part of your story. If this is the

situation, by all means do so, for you ought to make a be-

ginning as soon as you can. It may turn out, however, that

you'll choose someone else for the more difficult and deep-

er revelations. This individual may be entirely outside of

A.A.- for example, your clergyman or your doctor. For

some of us, a complete stranger may prove the best bet.

T&T 60-61 Step Five

Notwithstanding the great necessity for discussing

ourselves with someone, it may be one is so situated

that there is no suitable person available. If that is so,

this step may be postponed, only, however, if we hold

ourselves in complete readiness to go through with it

at the first opportunity.

(See BB 83:3)

We say this because we are

very anxious that we talk to the right person. It is im-

portant that he be able to keep a confidence; that he

fully understand and approve what we are driving at;

INTO ACTION 75

that he will not try to change our plan. But we must

not use this as a mere excuse to postpone.

When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste

no time. We have a written inventory and we are pre-

pared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what

we are about to do and why we have to do it. He

should realize that we are engaged upon a life-and-

death errand. Most people approached in this way

will be glad to help; they will be honored by our

confidence.

When your mission

is carefully explained, and it is seen by the recipient of your

confidence how helpful he can really be, the conversation

will start easily and will soon become eager. Before long,

your listener may well tell a story or two about himself

which will place you even more at ease.

T&T 61-62 Step Five

We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every

twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once

we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are

delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can

be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from

us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We

may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we be-

gin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that

the drink problem has disappeared will often come

strongly.

(See BB 84 Bottom)

We feel we are on the Broad Highway,

walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.

Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will

mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions

of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously

vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides,

a healing tranquility takes its place. And when humility and

serenity are so combined, something else of great moment

is apt to occur. Many an A.A., once agnostic or atheistic,

tells us that it was during this stage of Step Five that he first

actually felt the presence of God. And even those who had

faith already often become conscious of God as they never

were before.

T&T 62 Step Five

Returning home we find a place where we can be

quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have

done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart

that we know Him better. Taking this book down

from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the

twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals

we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are build-

ing an arch through which we shall walk a free man

at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones prop-

erly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put

into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar

without sand?

This feeling of being at one with God and man, this

emerging from isolation through the open and honest shar-

ing of our terrible burden of guilt, brings us to a resting

place where we may prepare ourselves for the following

Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety.

T&T 62 Step Five

76 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at

Step Six . We have emphasized willingness as being in-

dispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove

from us all the things which we have admitted are ob-

jectionable? Can He now take them all-every one?

(See BB 13:2)

If we still cling to something we will not let go,

What we must recognize now is that we exult in some

of our defects. We really love them. Who, for example,

doesn't like to feel just a little superior to the next fellow, or

even quite a lot superior? Isn't it true that we like to let

greed masquerade as ambition? To think of liking lust

seems impossible...

Self-righteous anger also can be very enjoyable. In a

perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact

that many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feel-

ing of superiority. Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite

form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfac-

tions for us, too...

When gluttony is less than ruinous, we have a milder

word for that, too; we call it “taking our comfort.” We live

in a world riddled with envy. To a greater or less degree,

everybody is infected with it. From this defect we must

surely get a warped yet definite satisfaction.

T&T 66-67 Step Six

we ask God to help us be willing.

If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions.

But in no case does He render us white as snow and keep

us that way without our cooperation. That is something we

are supposed to be willing to work toward ourselves. He

asks only that we try as best we know how to make

progress in the building of character.

So Step Six- “Were entirely ready to have God remove

all these defects of character”- is A.A.'s way of stating the

best possible attitude one can take in order to make a begin-

ning on this lifetime job. This does not mean that we expect

all our character defects to be lifted out of us as the drive to

drink was. A few of them may be, but with most of them

we shall have to be content with patient improvement. The

key words “entirely ready” underline the fact that we want

to aim at the very best we know or can learn.

T&T 65 Step Six

We will want to be rid of some of

these defects, but in some instances this will appear to be an

impossible job from which we recoil. And we cling with a

passionate persistence to others which are just as disturbing

to our equilibrium, because we still enjoy them too much.

How can we possibly summon the resolution and the will-

ingness to get rid of such overwhelming compulsions and

desires?

T&T 73 Step Seven

As we approach the actual taking of Step Seven, it

might be well if we A.A.'s inquire once more just what our

deeper objectives are. Each of us would like to live at peace

with himself and with his fellows. We would like to be as-

sured that the grace of God can do for us what we cannot

do for ourselves. We have seen that character defects based

upon shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles that

block our path toward these objectives. We now clearly see

that we have been making unreasonable demands upon

ourselves, upon others, and upon God.

T&T 75-76 Step Seven

When ready, we say something like this: “My Cre-

ator, I am now willing that you should have all of me,

good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me

every single defect of character which stands in the

way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant

me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.

Amen.’’ We have then completed Step Seven .

(See BB 63:2)

The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is real-

ly saying to us that we now ought to be willing to try

humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings

just as we did when we admitted that we were powerless

over alcohol, and came to believe that a Power greater than

ourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humili-

ty could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadly

obsession could be banished, then there must be hope of the

same result respecting any other problem we could possibly

have.

T&T 76 Step Seven

Now we need more action, without which we find

that “Faith without works is dead.’’

(See BB 14:6, 88:3, 93:2)

Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing.

T&T 34 Step Three

Let’s look at Steps

Eight and Nine . We have a list of all persons we have

harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.

We made it when we took inventory.

(See BB 13:3)

Every A.A. has found that he can make little headway in this

new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes

an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has

left in his wake. To a degree, he has already done this when

taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought

to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt,

and in what ways.

T&T 77 Step Eight

We subjected

ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to

our fellows and repair the damage done in the past.

We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accu-

mulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run

the show ourselves.

In Step Eight, we continued our housecleaning, for we saw

that we were not only in conflict with ourselves, but also with

people and situations in the world in which we lived. We had to

begin to make our peace, and so we listed the people we

had harmed and became willing to set things right.

T&T 108 Step Twelve

If we haven’t the will to do this,

we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the

beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over

alcohol.

Whenever our pencil falters, we can fortify and cheer

ourselves by remembering what A.A. experience in this

Step has meant to others. It is the beginning of the end of

isolation from our fellows and from God.

T&T 82 Step Eight

Probably there are still some misgivings. As we look

over the list of business acquaintances and friends we

have hurt,

We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we

say that we have “harmed” other people. What kinds of

“harm” do people do one another, anyway? To define the

word “harm” in a practical way, we might call it the result

of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emo-

tional, or spiritual damage to people...

Having carefully surveyed this whole area of human re-

lations, and having decided exactly what personality traits

in us injured and disturbed others, we can now commence

to ransack memory for the people to whom we have given

offense. To put a finger on the nearby and most deeply

damaged ones shouldn't be hard to do. Then, as year by

year we walk back through our lives as far as memory will

reach, we shall be bound to construct a long list of people

who have, to some extent or other, been affected.

T&T 80-81 Step Eight

we may feel diffident about going to some

of them on a spiritual basis. Let us be reassured. To

some people we need not, and probably should not

emphasize the spiritual feature on our first approach.

(See BB 83:2)

INTO ACTION 77

We might prejudice them. At the moment we are try-

ing to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in

itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maxi-

mum service to God and the people about us.

(See BB 102:2)

While the purpose of making restitution to others is

paramount, it is equally necessary that we extricate from an

examination of our personal relations every bit of informa-

tion about ourselves and our fundamental difficulties that

we can. Since defective relations with other human beings

have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes,

including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could

yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one.

T&T 80 Step Eight

It is

seldom wise to approach an individual, who still

smarts from our injustice to him, and announce that

we have gone religious. In the prize ring, this would

be called leading with the chin. Why lay ourselves

open to being branded fanatics or religious bores? We

may kill a future opportunity to carry a beneficial mes-

sage. But our man is sure to be impressed with a

sincere desire to set right the wrong. He is going to be

more interested in a demonstration of good will

than in our talk of spiritual discoveries.

(See BB 83:2)

We may not want to

say anything for several weeks, or longer. First we will

wish to be reasonably certain that we are on the A.A. beam...

As soon as we begin to feel confident in our new way

of life and have begun, by our behavior and example, to

convince those about us that we are indeed changing for the

better, it is usually safe to talk in complete frankness with

those who have been seriously affected, even those who

may be only a little or not at all aware of what we have

done to them.

T&T`84, 85 Step Nine

We don’t use this as an excuse for shying away from

the subject of God. When it will serve any good pur-

pose, we are willing to announce our convictions with

tact and common sense. The question of how to ap-

proach the man we hated will arise. It may be he has

done us more harm than we have done him and,

though we may have acquired a better attitude toward

him, we are still not too keen about admitting our

faults. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take

the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy

than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial

to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit,

With those we dislike we can begin to practice justice

and courtesy, perhaps going out of our way to understand

and help them.

T&T 93 Step Ten

confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our

regret.

Under no condition do we criticize such a person

or argue. Simply we tell him that we will never get

over drinking until we have done our utmost to

straighten out the past.

Then we are ready to go to these people, to tell them what

A.A. is, and what we are trying to do. Against this back-

ground we can freely admit the damage we have done and

make our apologies. We can pay, or promise to pay, whatever

obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe.

T&T Page 84 Step Nine

We are there to sweep off our

side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while

78 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to

tell him what he should do. His faults are not dis-

cussed. We stick to our own.

(See BB 13:3)

If our manner is calm,

frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result.

In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens.

Sometimes the man we are calling upon admits his

own fault, so feuds of years’ standing melt away in an

hour. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress.

Our former enemies sometimes praise what we are

doing and wish us well. Occasionally, they will offer

assistance.

(See BB 156:1)

The generous response of most people to such quiet

sincerity will often astonish us. Even our severest and

most justified critics will frequently meet us more than

halfway on the first trial.

T&T 84-85 Step Nine

It should not matter, however, if someone

does throw us out of his office. We have made our

demonstration, done our part. It’s water over the dam.

[W]e may be tipped over in the other direction when, in rare

cases, we get a cool and skeptical reception. This will tempt

us to argue, or to press our point insistently. Or maybe it will

tempt us to discouragement and pessimism. But if we have

prepared ourselves well in advance, such reactions will not

deflect us from our steady and even purpose.

T&T 85 Step Nine

Most alcoholics owe money. We do not dodge our

creditors. Telling them what we are trying to do, we

make no bones about our drinking; they usually know

it anyway, whether we think so or not. Nor are we

afraid of disclosing our alcoholism on the theory it

may cause financial harm.

(See BB 155:2)

Approached in this way,

the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us.

Arranging the best deal we can we let these people

know we are sorry. Our drinking has made us slow

to pay. We must lose our fear of creditors no matter

how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we

are afraid to face them.

Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we

are not delaying because we are afraid. For the readiness to

take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take re-

sponsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is

the very spirit of Step Nine.

T&T 87 Step Nine

Perhaps we have committed a criminal offense

which might land us in jail if it were known to the au-

thorities. We may be short in our accounts and unable

to make good. We have already admitted this in con-

fidence to another person, but we are sure we would

be imprisoned or lose our job if it were known. Maybe

it’s only a petty offense such as padding the expense

account. Most of us have done that sort of thing.

INTO ACTION 79

Maybe we are divorced, and have remarried but

haven’t kept up the alimony to number one. She is

indignant about it, and has a warrant out for our ar-

rest. That’s a common form of trouble too.

Although these reparations take innumerable forms,

there are some general principles which we find guid-

ing. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go

to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask

that we be given strength and direction to do the right

thing, no matter what the personal consequences may

be. We may lose our position or reputation or face

jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not

shrink at anything.

Usually, however, other people are involved. There-

fore, we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who

would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from

the alcoholic pit.

Do we instantly confess our irregularities to the firm, in the

practical certainty that we will be fired and become unem-

ployable? Are we going to be so rigidly righteous about making

amends that we don't care what happens to the family and home?

T&T 86 Step Nine

A man we know had remarried. Be-

cause of resentment and drinking, he had not paid ali-

mony to his first wife. She was furious. She went to

court and got an order for his arrest. He had com-

menced our way of life, had secured a position, and

was getting his head above water. It would have been

impressive heroics if he had walked up to the Judge

and said, “Here I am.’’

We thought he ought to be willing to do that if

necessary, but if he were in jail he could provide noth-

ing for either family. We suggested he write his first

wife admitting his faults and asking forgiveness. He

did, and also sent a small amount of money. He told

her what he would try to do in the future. He said he

was perfectly willing to go to jail if she insisted. Of

course she did not, and the whole situation has long

since been adjusted.

80 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

Before taking drastic action which might implicate

other people we secure their consent. If we have ob-

tained permission, have consulted with others, asked

God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must

not shrink.

[D]o we first consult those who are to be gravely affected?

Do we lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser,

earnestly asking God's help and guidance- meanwhile re-

solving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, cost

what it may? Of course, there is no pat answer which can fit

all such dilemmas. But all of them do require a complete

willingness to make amends as fast and as far as may be

possible in a given set of conditions.

T&T 86-87 Step Nine

This brings to mind a story about one of our friends.

While drinking, he accepted a sum of money from a

bitterly-hated business rival, giving him no receipt for

it. He subsequently denied having received the money

and used the incident as a basis for discrediting the

man. He thus used his own wrong-doing as a means

of destroying the reputation of another. In fact, his

rival was ruined.

He felt that he had done a wrong he could not pos-

sibly make right. If he opened that old affair, he was

afraid it would destroy the reputation of his partner,

disgrace his family and take away his means of liveli-

hood. What right had he to involve those dependent

upon him? How could he possibly make a public

statement exonerating his rival?

After consulting with his wife and partner he came

to the conclusion that it was better to take those risks

than to stand before his Creator guilty of such ruinous

slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in

God’s hands or he would soon start drinking again, and

all would be lost anyhow. He attended church for the

first time in many years. After the sermon, he quietly

got up and made an explanation. His action met wide-

spread approval, and today he is one of the most

trusted citizens of his town. This all happened years

ago.

The chances are that we have domestic troubles.

Perhaps we are mixed up with women in a fashion we

INTO ACTION 81

wouldn’t care to have advertised. We doubt if, in this

respect, alcoholics are fundamentally much worse than

other people. But drinking does complicate sex rela-

tions in the home. After a few years with an alcoholic,

a wife gets worn out, resentful and uncommunicative.

How could she be anything else? The husband begins

to feel lonely, sorry for himself. He commences to

look around in the night clubs, or their equivalent, for

something besides liquor. Perhaps he is having a

secret and exciting affair with “the girl who under-

stands.’’

(See BB 106:1, 151:3)

In fairness we must say that she may under-

stand, but what are we going to do about a thing like

that? A man so involved often feels very remorseful

at times, especially if he is married to a loyal and

courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for

him.

Whatever the situation, we usually have to do some-

thing about it. If we are sure our wife does not know,

should we tell her? Not always, we think. If she

knows in a general way that we have been wild,

should we tell her in detail? Undoubtedly we should

admit our fault. She may insist on knowing all the

particulars. She will want to know who the woman is

and where she is. We feel we ought to say to her that

we have no right to involve another person. We are

sorry for what we have done and, God willing, it shall

not be repeated. More than that we cannot do; we

have no right to go further. Though there may be

justifiable exceptions, and though we wish to lay down

no rule of any sort, we have often found this the best

course to take.

Our design for living is not a one-way street. It is

as good for the wife as for the husband. If we can

82 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

forget, so can she. It is better, however, that one does

not needlessly name a person upon whom she can vent

jealousy. (See BB 124:3)

There can only be one consideration which should

qualify our desire for a complete disclosure of the damage

we have done. That will arise in the occasional situation

where to make a full revelation would seriously harm the

one to whom we are making amends. Or- quite as impor-

tant- other people. We cannot, for example, unload a

detailed account of extramarital adventuring upon the

shoulders of our unsuspecting wife or husband. And even

in those cases where such a matter must be discussed, let's

try to avoid harming third parties, whoever they may be. It

does not lighten our burden when we recklessly make the

crosses of others heavier.

T&T 86 Step Nine

Perhaps there are some cases where the utmost

frankness is demanded. No outsider can appraise such

an intimate situation. It may be that both will decide

that the way of good sense and loving kindness is to

let by-gones be by-gones. Each might pray about it,

having the other one’s happiness uppermost in mind.

Keep it always in sight that we are dealing with that

most terrible human emotion-jealousy. Good general-

ship may decide that the problem be attacked on the

flank rather than risk a face-to-face combat.

If we have no such complication, there is plenty we

should do at home. Sometimes we hear an alcoholic

say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober.

Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no

home if he doesn’t.

Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag.

We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt

anybody but ourselves. Our families didn't suffer, because

we always paid the bills and seldom drank at home. Our

business associates didn't suffer, because we were usually

on the job. Our reputations hadn't suffered, because we

were certain few knew of our drinking. Those who did

would sometimes assure us that, after all, a lively bender

was only a good man's fault. What real harm, therefore, had

we done? No more, surely, than we could easily mend with

a few casual apologies.

T&T 79 Step Eight

But he is yet a long way from

making good to the wife or parents whom for years

he has so shockingly treated. Passing all understand-

ing is the patience mothers and wives have had with

alcoholics. Had this not been so, many of us would

have no homes today, would perhaps be dead.

(See BB 178:2)

The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way

through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet

relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted.

Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in

turmoil.

(See BB 123:2-3, 127:1)

We feel a man is unthinking when he says

that sobriety is enough.

(See BB 118:2)

He is like the farmer who

came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home

ruined. To his wife, he remarked, “Don’t see anything

the matter here, Ma. Ain’t it grand the wind stopped

blowin’?’’

INTO ACTION 83

Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead.

We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that

we are sorry won’t fill the bill at all. We ought to sit

down with the family and frankly analyze the past as

we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them.

Their defects may be glaring, but the chances are that

our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean

house with the family, asking each morning in medita-

tion that our Creator show us the way of patience,

tolerance, kindliness and love.

(See BB 86:2 - 87:2, 134:3)

The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it .

Unless one’s family expresses a desire to live upon

spiritual principles we think we ought not to urge

them. We should not talk incessantly to them about

spiritual matters. They will change in time.

(See BB 76 Bottom)

Our be-

havior will convince them more than our words. We

must remember that ten or twenty years of drunken-

ness would make a skeptic out of anyone.

(See BB 77 Middle)

As soon as we begin to feel confident in our new way

of life and have begun, by our behavior and example, to

convince those about us that we are indeed changing for the

better, it is usually safe to talk in complete frankness with

those who have been seriously affected, even those who

may be only a little or not at all aware of what we have

done to them. The only exceptions we will make will be

cases where our disclosure would cause actual harm.

T&T 85 Step Nine

There may be some wrongs we can never fully right.

We don’t worry about them if we can honestly say to

ourselves that we would right them if we could.

Some people cannot be seen-we send them an honest

letter. And there may be a valid reason for postpone-

ment in some cases. But we don’t delay if it can be

avoided.

(See BB 74:2)

We should be sensible, tactful, considerate

and humble without being servile or scraping. As

God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl

before anyone.

We needn't wallow in excessive remorse before those

we have harmed, but amends at this level should always

be forthright and generous.

T&T 86 Step Nine

[1] If we are painstaking about this phase of our

development, we will be amazed before we are half

way through. [2] We are going to know a new freedom

and a new happiness.

(See BB 52:2 [7])

[3] We will not regret the past nor

wish to shut the door on it.

(See BB 123 Bottom)

[4] We will comprehend the

84 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

word serenity and we will know peace.

(See BB 52:2 [2])

[5] No matter

how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how

our experience can benefit others.

(See BB 52:2 [8], 124:2)

[6] That feeling

of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

(See BB 52:2 [3], [5])

[7] We will

lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our

fellows. [8] Self-seeking will slip away.

(See BB 63:1)

[9] Our whole atti-

tude and outlook upon life will change.

(See BB 25:2, 50:4, 567:4)

[10] Fear of people

and of economic insecurity will leave us.

(See BB 52:2 [1], [4], [6], 68:3)

It did not matter too much what our material condition was,

but it did matter what our spiritual condition was. Money

gradually became our servant and not our master... We

found that freedom from fear was more important than

freedom from want.

T&T 122 Step Twelve

[11] We will in-

tuitively know how to handle situations which used to

baffle us.

(See BB 86:3)

[12] We will suddenly realize that God is doing

for us what we could not do for ourselves.

(See BB 11:3, 25:2)

We would like to be assured that the grace of God can do for

us what we cannot do for ourselves.

T&T 76 Step Seven

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly,

sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we

work for them.

Maybe there are as many definitions of spiritual awak-

ening as there are people who have had them. But certainly

each genuine one has something in common with all the

others. And these things which they have in common are

not too hard to understand. When a man or a woman has a

spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is

that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that

which he could not do before on his unaided strength and

resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts

to a new state of consciousness and being. He has been set

on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere,

that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or

mastered. In a very real sense he has been transformed, be-

cause he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in one

way or another, he had hitherto denied himself. He finds

himself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, un-

selfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he had

thought himself quite incapable. What he has received is a

free gift, and yet usually, at least in some small part, he has

made himself ready to receive it.

T&T 107 Step Twelve

This thought brings us to Step Ten , which suggests

we continue to take personal inventory and continue

to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We

vigorously commenced this way of living as we

cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of

the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understand-

ing and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter.

It should continue for our lifetime.

AS we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for

the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step

Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical

use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the

acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and

live to good purpose under all conditions?

T&T 88 Step 10

Learning daily to spot, admit, and correct these flaws is the

essence of character-building and good living. An honest

regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings re-

ceived, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow

will be the permanent assets we shall seek.

T&T 94-95 Step Ten

Continue to watch

for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

(See BB 13:4)

Although all inventories are alike in principle, the time

factor does distinguish one from another. There's the spot

check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever we

find ourselves getting tangled up.

T&T 89 Step Ten

When

these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.

We discuss them with someone immediately

Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the com-

pany of our sponsor or spiritual adviser, we make a careful

review of our progress since the last time.

T&T 89 Step Ten

and make

amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we

resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

(See BB 119:1)

Love and tolerance of others is our code.

(See BB 66 Bottom - 67:1, 70:3, 83:1, 118:2)

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-

even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have re-

turned.

(See BB 57 Top, 154 Bottom)

We will seldom be interested in liquor.

(See BB 75:2)

tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.

(See BB 24:2)

INTO ACTION 85

react sanely and normally, and we will find that this

has happened automatically. We will see that our new

attitude toward liquor has been given us without any

thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is

the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are

we avoiding temptation.

(See BB 101:2, 120:3, 147 Top)

We feel as though we had

been placed in a position of neutrality-safe and

protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the

problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.

We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our

experience. That is how we react so long as we keep

in fit spiritual condition.

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action

and rest on our laurels.

After taking this preliminary trial at making amends,

we may enjoy such a sense of relief that we conclude our

task is finished. We will want to rest on our laurels. The

temptation to skip the more humiliating and dreaded meet-

ings that still remain may be great.

T&T 85 Step Nine

Of course all A.A.'s, even the best, fall far short of such

achievements as a consistent thing. Without necessarily tak-

ing that first drink, we often get quite far off the beam. Our

troubles sometimes begin with indifference. We are sober

and happy in our A.A. work. Things go well at home and

office. We naturally congratulate ourselves on what later

proves to be a far too easy and superficial point of view. We

temporarily cease to grow because we feel satisfied that

there is no need for all of A.A.'s Twelve Steps for us. We

are doing fine on a few of them. Maybe we are doing fine

on only two of them, the First Step and that part of the

Twelfth where we “carry the message.” In A.A. slang, that

blissful state is known as “two-stepping.” And it can go on

for years.

The best-intentioned of us can fall for the “two-step” illusion.

Sooner or later the pink cloud stage wears off and things go

disappointingly dull. We begin to think that A.A. doesn't pay

off after all. We become puzzled and discouraged.

T&T 112-113 Step Twelve

We are headed for trouble if

we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of

alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve

contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condi-

tion.

Every day is a day when we must carry the

vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How

can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done.’’

These are thoughts which must go with us constantly.

We can exercise our will power along this line all we

wish. It is the proper use of the will.

It is when we try to make our will conform with God's

that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most

wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the mis-

use of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems

with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with

God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is

the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens

the door.

T&T 40 Step Three

Much has already been said about receiving

strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who

has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully

followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow

of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become

God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital

sixth sense.

(See BB 567:3)

But we must go further and that means

more action.

We discover that we do receive guidance for our lives

to just about the extent that we stop making demands upon

God to give it to us on order and on our terms. Almost any

experienced A.A. will tell how his affairs have taken remarkable

and unexpected turns for the better as he tried to improve his

conscious contact with God. He will also report that out of every

season of grief or suffering, when the hand of God seemed

heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new

resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescap-

ably, the conviction came that God does “move in a mysterious

way His wonders to perform.”

T&T 104-105 Step Eleven

Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We

shouldn’t be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men

86 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

than we are using it constantly. It works, if we have

the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy

to be vague about this matter. Yet, we believe we can

make some definite and valuable suggestions.

When we retire at night, we constructively review

our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or

afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept some-

thing to ourselves which should be discussed with

another person at once? Were we kind and loving

toward all? What could we have done better? Were

we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were

we thinking of what we could do for others, of

what we could pack into the stream of life?

(See BB 120 Top)

When evening comes, perhaps just before going to

sleep, many of us draw up a balance sheet for the day. This

is a good place to remember that inventory-taking is not al-

ways done in red ink. It's a poor day indeed when we

haven't done something right. As a matter of fact, the wa-

ing hours are usually well filled with things that are

constructive. Good intentions, good thoughts, and good acts

are there for us to see. Even when we have tried hard and

failed, we may chalk that up as one of the greatest credits of

all. Under these conditions, the pains of failure are convert-

ed into assets. Out of them we receive the stimulation we

need to go forward. Someone who knew what he was talk-

ing about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all

spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with

him, for we know that the pains of drinking had to come

before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.

As we glance down the debit side of the day's ledger,

we should carefully examine our motives in each thought

or act that appears to be wrong. In most cases our motives

won't be hard to see and understand. When prideful, angry,

jealous, anxious, or fearful, we acted accordingly, and that

was that. Here we need only recognize that we did act or

think badly, try to visualize how we might have done better,

and resolve with God's help to carry these lessons over into

tomorrow, making, of course, any amends still neglected...

Having so considered our day, not omitting to take due

note of things well done, and having searched our hearts

with neither fear nor favor, we can truly thank God for the

blessings we have received and sleep in good conscience.

T&T 93-94, 95 Step Ten

But we

must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or

morbid reflection, for that would diminish our useful-

ness to others.

If temperamentally we are on the depressive side, we

are apt to be swamped with guilt and self-loathing. We wal-

low in this messy bog, often getting a misshapen and

painful pleasure out of it. As we morbidly pursue this

melancholy activity, we may sink to such a point of despair

that nothing but oblivion looks possible as a solution. Here,

of course, we have lost all perspective, and therefore all

genuine humility. For this is pride in reverse. This is not a

moral inventory at all; it is the very process by which the

depressive has so often been led to the bottle and extinction.

T&T 45 Step Four

After making our review we ask God’s

forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures

should be taken.

Although all inventories are alike in principle, the time

factor does distinguish one from another...There's the

one we take at day's end, when we review the happenings

of the hours just past. Here we cast up a balance sheet,

crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up

debits where due...

As we glance down the debit side of the day's ledger,

we should carefully examine our motives in each thought

or act that appears to be wrong. In most cases our motives

won't be hard to see and understand. When prideful, angry,

jealous, anxious, or fearful, we acted accordingly, and that

was that. Here we need only recognize that we did act or

think badly, try to visualize how we might have done better,

and resolve with God's help to carry these lessons over into

tomorrow, making, of course, any amends still neglected.

But in other instances only the closest scrutiny will reveal

what our true motives were.

T&T` 89, 94 Step Ten

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four

hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Be-

fore we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking,

especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity,

dishonest or self-seeking motives.

(See BB 83:1)

Under these condi-

tions we can employ our mental faculties with as-

surance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our

thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane

when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

In the morning we think of the hours to come. Perhaps

we think of our day's work and the chances it may afford us

to be useful and helpful, or of some special problem that it

may bring. Possibly today will see a continuation of a serious

and as yet unresolved problem left over from yesterday.

Our immediate temptation will be to ask for specific solutions

to specific problems, and for the ability to help other

people as we have already thought they should be helped.

In that case, we are asking God to do it our way. Therefore,

we ought to consider each request carefully to see what its

real merit is. Even so, when making specific requests, it

will be well to add to each one of them this qualification:

“... if it be Thy will.” We ask simply that throughout the day

God place in us the best understanding of His will that we

can have for that day, and that we be given the grace by

which we may carry it out.

T&T 102 Step Eleven

In thinking about our day we may face indecision.

We may not be able to determine which course to

take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive

thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We

don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right

answers come after we have tried this for a while.

INTO ACTION 87

What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspira-

tion gradually becomes a working part of the mind.

(See BB 84 Top [11])

Being still inexperienced and having just made con-

scious contact with God, it is not probable that we are

going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for

this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and

ideas.

Quite often, however, the

thoughts that seem to come from God are not answers at

all. They prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rational-

izations. The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run his

life rigidly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving demand

of God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting

individual. To any questioning or criticism of his actions he

instantly proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance in

all matters great or small. He may have forgotten the possibility

that his own wishful thinking and the human tendency to ration-

alize have distorted his so-called guidance. With the best of

intentions, he tends to force his own will into all sorts of situat-

ions and problems with the comfortable assurance that he is

acting under God's specific direction. Under such an illusion,

he can of course create great havoc without in the least intending

it.

T&T 103-104 Step Eleven

Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will,

as time passes, be more and more on the plane of in-

spiration. We come to rely upon it.

The persistent use of meditation and prayer, we found, did

open the channel so that where there had been a trickle,

there now was a river which led to sure power and safe

guidance from God as we were increasingly better able to

understand Him.

T&T 109 Step Twelve

We usually conclude the period of meditation with

a prayer that we be shown all through the day what

our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we

need to take care of such problems. We ask especially

for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no

request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves,

however, if others will be helped. We are careful

never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us

have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn’t

work. You can easily see why.

(See BB 13:4)

“As psychiatrists have often observed, defiance is the

outstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic. So it's not

strange that lots of us have had our day at defying God

Himself. Sometimes it's because God has not delivered us

the good things of life which we specified, as a greedy child

makes an impossible list for Santa Claus."...

The fact was we really hadn't cleaned house so that the

grace of God could enter us and expel the obsession. In no

deep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of our-

selves, made amends to those we had harmed, or freely

given to any other human being without any demand for re-

ward. We had not even prayed rightly. We had always said,

“Grant me my wishes” instead of “Thy will be done.” The

love of God and man we understood not at all. Therefore

we remained self-deceived, and so incapable of receiving

enough grace to restore us to sanity.

T&T 31, 32 Step Two

If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or

friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong

to a religious denomination which requires a definite

morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not mem-

bers of religious bodies, we sometimes select and

memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the

principles we have been discussing. There are many

helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be

obtained from one’s priest, minister, or rabbi. Be

quick to see where religious people are right. Make

use of what they offer.

(See BB 83:1, 134:3)

The actual experience of meditation and prayer across

the centuries is, of course, immense. The world's libraries

and places of worship are a treasure trove for all seekers...

Well, we might start like this. First let's look at a really

good prayer. We won't have far to seek; the great men and

women of all religions have left us a wonderful supply.

Here let us consider one that is a classic...

“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace- that where

there is hatred, I may bring love- that where there is

wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness- that where

there is discord, I may bring harmony- that where there is

error, I may bring truth- that where there is doubt, I may

bring faith- that where there is despair, I may bring hope

- that where there are shadows, I may bring light- that

where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I

may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted- to

understand, than to be understood- to love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving

that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to

Eternal Life. Amen.”

T&T 98-99 Step Eleven

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated

or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.

(See BB 13:4, 119 top)

We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer

88 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many

times each day “Thy will be done.’’

In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can

pause,ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: “God grant

me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage

to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Thy will, not mine, be done.”

T&T 40-41 Step Three

When we are tempted by the [emotional] bait, we

should train ourselves to step back and think. For we can

neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint

has become automatic.

T&T 91 Step Ten

When in doubt we can always pause, saying, “Not my will, but

Thine, be done.” And we can often ask ourselves, “Am I doing to

others as I would have them do to me- today?”

T&T 93 Step Ten

As the day goes on, we can pause where situations must

be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request:

“Thy will, not mine, be done.” If at these points our emo-

tional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely

keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to

ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to

us in our reading or meditation.

T&T 102-103 Step Eleven

We are then in

much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry,

self-pity, or foolish decisions.

And let's always remember that meditation is in reality intensely

practical. One of its first fruits is emotional balance. With it we

can broaden and deepen the channel between ourselves and

God as we understand Him

T&T 101-102 Step Eleven

We become much more

efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not

burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were

trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

It works-it really does.

We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God

discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined.

But this is not all. There is action and more action.

“Faith without works is dead.’’

(See BB 14:6, 76:3, 93:2)

The next chapter is

entirely devoted to Step Twelve .

(See BB 14 bottom)